Meaning of Life: The meaning of life? To grow things that matter. To love hard, cry ugly, and dance like no ones judging (even though they definitely are). To find joy in strange places. To touch souls... and butts.
Things I Can't Live Without: My weighted blanket (emotional support armor) Delilah the Build-A-Bear (smells like cotton candy, contains my soul) My mushroom grow setup (yes, they all have names) Music that goes from Barry Manilow to Eminem in 2 seconds A man who does the dishes correctly
Fun Activities: I make trauma spreadsheets, grow emotional support fungi, blast Eminem while cleaning in a rage, and yell about sex ed, disability rights, and random science facts like its foreplay. Also? Love a good cuddle-nap with weird conversation after.
Favorite Songs: Eminem to Manilow to accordion polka with chaotic Finnish energymy playlist is an unskippable rollercoaster through time, trauma, and absolute bangers. Yes, I do shake ass to rap, cry to disco, and scream-sing in a made-up language. Thats called range, babe.
Favorite Movies: I watch movies where hot girls win, petty bitches thrive, and every emotional breakthrough has a costume change. Favorites? Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, White Chicks, and literally any musical where someone sobs in harmony.
Craziest Thing I've Done: Accidentally started a full-on mushroom cult. I named the bags, gave them personalities, and emotionally bonded with one named Blobbeth. No, Im not okay.
Desired Location: Amsterdam.
Hobbies: Mycology (thats mushrooms, babe), making spreadsheets pretty enough to flirt with, dehydrating shit in jars like a sexy apothecary, and inhaling romance novels with the intensity of a Victorian widow. Also into: ranting, cuddling animals who hate each other, and being chronically online with flair.
Talents: Talents include: Naming mushroom bags like theyre cursed medieval children Explaining complex medical shit like a hot Wikipedia Screaming Eminem lyrics while organizing fungi Reading romance novels like its a competitive sport Creating spreadsheets that could sexually awaken a tax auditor Making trauma fun at parties
Perfect Date: We vibe, we laugh, we overshare. You rub my back, I ruin your life. Its perfect.
Turn Ons/Offs: Turn Ons: Validation, degradation, intelligent filth, and people who moan respectfully. Chore foreplay (do the damn dishes), vocal kings, and someone who makes aftercare sound like a bedtime story. I like praise, pain, and partners who know where the clit and the emotional wound is. Be weird. Be real. Be safe, sane, and slightly unhinged. Turn Offs: Rudeness, bad hygiene, silent lurkers (say hi or get hexed), and men who think feminism is a phase. If you cant clean up after yourself or handle emotional intimacy, I am not your emotional support stripper. Don't be mean to retail workers or my dog. I will block you mid-stroke.
Best Reason to Know Me: Because Im the perfect mix of horny, hilarious, and hauntingly introspective. Youll walk away either in love, emotionally transformed, or mildly afraid. Thats just good ROI.
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